So, the promise of updating this blog more regularly clearly isn’t going to plan. It’s been over a month and a half since my last post, and not for lack of trying. I’ve wanted to update, truly I have, and I’ve even had some decent ideas. But my problem with blogging isn’t merely a lack of motivation or inspiration but a need to be in the right frame of mind to write about anything related to myself. Still, I’m now on post number three, which is a new record. Maybe this is me breaking through the wall. Maybe this is the start of me becoming prolific. Doubtful, but possible.

Well, I did keep to my theme of random words. I do admit, I’m not quite skilled enough to open up a random word generator, take the first word I see, and then run with it. It took a few clicks before I found a starting point I felt I could work from, or at least that I thought would be interesting enough to keep me engaged. Actually, a lot of the words this particular generator was suggesting were particularly bleak (“disappointment”, “discrimination”, “failure” to name a few) and while I’m certain I could do a nice long rant about any or all of those subjects, I felt that I should try and move this blog onto happier notes. After all, my previous posts have been a fairly cynical dissection of my own blogging abilities and an equally cynical dissection of one of my favourite TV shows. And, while cynical is one of the things that I do best, I’m in more of an optimistic mood. Which, being so rare, needs to be taken advantage of.

Lists, then. I like lists. In fact, my BlackBerry contains several lists for my own reference with titles such as CD and DVD To Buy ListUniversity Reading List, John Simm (a list of every film, TV show and other production I have seen John Simm in), and no less than thirteen separate lists of everything I planned to bring with me for university. There’s a separate one for hats. There’s a separate one for Doctor Who items. There’s two separate ones for auxiliary books (that is, not required for my course), split into fiction and non fiction. But most of those lists are purely functional, even the one about John Simm. If anybody ever does read this blog, I very much doubt that they’d be interested in an alphabetised catalogue of random books or toiletries. I also have a To Do List, which is just bloody depressing. It’s mostly things like ‘write a thousand words on that story you were writing once, oh no, you’ve given up on that, because you fail at life, and here’s a digitised reminder of your failure’.

Moving on.  The plan for this blog is to do a list that somebody might have an outside chance of understanding/being interested in. If successful, it may be the first of many. I do like a good list, and this blog is currently looking very listless. So let’s get it on.

Five shows I want to guest star in.

1. Doctor Who. Just generally. Really, being in the show would be enough. My favourite character is, of course, The Master, but I’m not sure that role would be right for an average height ginger-ish girl. Assuming that I’d be playing this imaginary TV role as myself and not as a man (although, let’s face it, it isn’t going to happen anyway so I might as well reimagine myself as looking like the kind of character I’d like to play), I’d probably be pigeon-holed into the realm of ‘companion’ or similar. But one role that I would love to play on Doctor Who would be the Rani. Now, for those people who don’t know who the Rani is (probably a fair few, since she wasn’t actually a major character and hasn’t existed at all in the current Eccleston-Smith run of the show), imagine a woman with curly 80s hair, shoulder pads, red gloves and heeled boots. Now imagine that she’s a scientist. An amoral, detached and unemotional scientist who enslaves worlds for her experiments. She has a laboratory. She has a gun. She is basically an evil genius. She captures Einstein as a scientific sample. Also, a woman. Unfortunately, she happened to appear in the Colin Baker/Sylvester McCoy era of Who which, frankly, wasn’t great. The show was already beginning to die a death. But if she was written into the show now, with Moffat at the helm, she could be fantastic. She could be a decent recurring villain. Imagine River Song without the annoying emotional dependence on the Doctor. A villain to rival the Master, yet with slightly different motivations to the usual ‘take over the universe’ theomania. She could be, dare I say it, everything that Irene Adler could have been to Sherlock in the episode I happened to disagree with. Or if I played her, she would be. A fuck-awesome female villain, and a ginger.

The Rani, back in the day

2. The Mighty Boosh. I’m aware that this show isn’t exactly happening any more, but I would still like to be in it. Mainly because I would get to dress up in crazy outfits and there would be a legitimate excuse for it. I mean, any occasion that allows me to backcomb my hair into a fantastic gravity-defying mullet, paint my face and wear glitter like an alien from a low budget sci fi or a glam rock star from the 1970s… definitely worth doing. It is true that I do this whenever I can do anyway, but… what better excuse? Plus, hanging out with Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt would be brilliant. Not a lot to say about this one, because it’s pretty much at face value. I like the show, I want to look like Vince Noir, somebody please make this happen.

I like crazy clothes and cool make up

3. Misfits. As with most shows I like, I was more in love with this show in the beginning. The idea of the worst superheroes in existence was one that seemed to lose its novelty after the first series and a half and now, despite still having some hilarious lines and clever ideas, has branched out into realism, into drama, and into the whole superhero explosion. It happens with every drama about superpowers or the supernatural (cf. Torchwood, obviously). Eventually, perhaps inevitably, it has to get serious and it has to get bigger than the community centre plots. There has to be time-bending and heartbreak and the like. Which I still have mixed feelings about. I do see the necessity for exploring the implications of their powers (with great power comes great responsbility, etc etc), and yet a huge part of the show is that they aren’t superheroes. They do the same mindless shit day in and day out on their community service, abuse their powers, and act like brainless young adults. Basically, there needs to be a balance, a best of both worlds, a line which is occasionally stepped over. Still, that doesn’t make it a bad show. It just maybe didn’t have the stamina to become Heroes (hell, Heroes didn’t really have the stamina it wanted to either). It would have been brilliant to guest star against Robert Sheehan, aka Nathan, the brilliant filthy-mouthed lovable Irish rogue with the power of immortality. But I like Rudy, too, the also lovable Northerner they brought in to replace him. I would also love to have a superpower. Even if only in fiction. I would probably be one of the semi insane people who somehow got themselves a superpower and then end up being killed for attempting to attack the Asbo 5. I’m not entirely sure what my superpower would be, though. A lot of the guest stars on Misfits have some supremely shit powers. Not least the guy who could control dairy products and yet still managed to be a pretty effective villain. Most of the obvious ones seem to have gone: immortality, telepathy, invisibility, teleportation… there hasn’t really been anybody who can fly, but I’ve always thought that to be a bit of a cop out. Plus, the main point seems to be that superpowers fit the personality of the affected person. Hence the shy boy becoming invisible. I’m not entirely sure what my defining personality trait would be. Ennui?

The first Misfits cast, complete with cool community service jumpsuits

4. Shameless. Again, a show that hasn’t exactly improved with age. But this would be an easier one for me to get into. If I had any acting ability at all, that is. The fact that it’s set in Manchester, which is very close to where I live, means that I would be able to fit right in quite easily. Obviously it would have been nicer to go into the show in the past, back when James McAvoy was in it, but it would still be a fun show to take part in. I actually haven’t caught up on the latest series. This is partially because, now I’m at university, I have very little time to sit down and watch shows. It’s also because I now have the series one to seven box set, so I’d rather catch up on the past series that I know I enjoyed. One of the issues I’ve noticed is that, now the gritty realism and edge have worn off, they’ve sort of run out of storylines and either have to repeat them or rely on artistic effects and stylistic merit. Maybe it’s been fixed in the new series, I don’t know yet. But I have an undying fondness for the show that means that it gets a place in my top five. At least, I enjoy the show enough that, having started to watch it sporadically in series six and properly in series seven, I was so engrossed in the characters that I wanted to go back and watch them grow up. My particular favourite is Micky Maguire. Gay, homophobic, violent, and generally a bit ridiculous, it would be excellent for my theoretical guest star character to be involved in a storyline that gave him some more depth. In fact, writing this piece on Shameless has made me realise that I really do miss this show and should either rewatch the rest of series seven or catch up on the latest series as soon as possible.

The original cast of Shameless, series one

5. Downton Abbey. Right, so this might be a bit of a strange one. I do like this show. I’m not entirely sure why. I mean, it’s a show I can watch with my mother. We have the same guilty need to watch shit TV every so often, and when at home I find my viewing saturated with America’s Next Top Model, various reality shows, and period dramas. Well, my mum also likes period dramas because she has a bit of an Austen-and-similar obsession. Probably something about the romance. Personally, I thought the best part  about Pride and Prejudice was when they added the zombies, but apparently I’m a bit strange in that respect. I enjoy this show because it does have some good acting. I like Michelle Dockery. I’ve seen her play Ophelia against John Simm and she was excellent. It’ll always be a bit camp, but sometimes that’s quite nice. And, although I don’t have the same level of interest in a lot of the characters as I may do in other shows, I do like some of them very much. Well, a few of them. Well, Thomas the Evil Footman. But, exactly why I like this show aside, I know exactly why I’d want to guest star in it. Because of the clothes. Oh, yes, the clothes. I think this whenever I see a programme set in the past, in differing degrees from the Greeks to the 1980s. I watched the most recent film adaptation of Jane Eyre and left the cinema with a lingering impression of top hats, cravats and jackets, and very little impression of the actual film other than the fact that I wished Rochester had been slightly more injured at the end. Whenever I watch Bram Stoker’s Dracula, I yearn for Mina (Winona Ryder)’s dress. It’s exactly the same with Downton. They have an excellent wardrobe department. It is partially more the men than the women, I think, because I’m not really a fan of girly dresses and I am very much a fan of military-esque jackets with shiny buttons. Although I will admit that Lady Mary has some very very nice dresses. Unfortunately, were I as myself to be cast in this show, I would likely be a maid with the other peasants rather than a Lord or Lady, and would merely get to stare and envy at the lovely costumes.

I want his jacket. I want her dress. Why was I born in an era of shit fashion? Why am I too poor to buy nice vintage clothes?

So, there. A top five of the shows that I would like to be a part of, for different reasons. I would of course need some acting talent beforehand, but I think my hypothetical reasons are as good as any. In this post, I managed to stick to the theme, actually share some information about my own personality, and hopefully didn’t offend anybody as badly as my last blog seemed to do (although I still stand by everything that I said).

And, I seem to have churned out a pretty healthy 2000+ words, so I consider that a job well done. It’s twenty to seven in the morning and I haven’t been to sleep yet, so I’d better bring this post to an end and hopefully will be motivated enough to update again soon. Or after another month-and-a-bit hiatus. Or not at all, who knows. Either way, rock on all you imaginary internet readers.


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About lordkuro

I like writing but I'm crap at blogging. I hope you aren't expecting too much from this. Seriously. I also generally hate nearly everything in the world. You probably don't actually want to read anything I say because it'll be a vitriol river and burn out your retinas. I do like Daleks, though. And glitter. So that's something.

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